An end and a beginning

I have been torn between extreme happiness and extreme sadness over the past several days. I decided to take the job in Edgecombe County and enroll Annie in the Bulluck Elementary Child Development Center.

Last night I broke down and cried for a while, mourning the loss of my role as a stay-at-home mom. I know that it would be great to stay at home with Annie for the next four years until she goes to Kindergarten, but it just doesn't align with the other things our family needs. We need more money, not just want, need. We have scrimped and stretched and pinched every penny until there is nothing left. It's time for me to go to work and contribute to our household income once again.

This will be the very first time that our family will have two fulltime incomes. When we first got married I worked like 30 hours a week and Eric around 15. After I graduated in 12/07 I went to work full time at Workplace Options and Eric finished up his degree and did his student teaching. I worked at WPO until 8/21/07 when I was put on bedrest due to pregnancy complications.Eric started his job at Southwest Edgecombe County that same week. So, both of us working full time will be a new experience for us. We are looking forward to building our savings and having a little bit of spending money!!

Eric and I both chose professions that aren't ones that lead you to becoming a millionaire. We both chose what we had a passion for and for both of us that happened to be public service. We don't need much, we need a home, reliable transportation, health insurance, the ability to go forward with our dreams of higher education, and enough money to provide for our child(ren)...

So, as sad as I am about leaving Annie (and I know I'm going to be a hot, hot mess on Monday) I am excited about the future. Getting this job means that I will finally be able to use my degree and work on things about which I am very passionate. Plus, I'll finally have health insurance again and be able to get my blood pressure under control! Plus, this jobs means that in a few years I will be able to have another baby and stay home with him/her and Annie for another year. So, I'm not re-entering the workplace to stay there for ever, this is just a brief interuption in my career as a SAHM. I will return and then I will once again return the the workplace, a cycle that can be frustrating as a career woman and mother. But, I'm not going to let that get my down, as always I strive to do what is best for my family, including myself.

I am happy and sad and weepy and nervous, but just as with everything I believe that you can't be passionate about anything without feeling all extremes of emotions.